Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
