Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
