First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
