boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
