don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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