yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
D3 body, D1 cock
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
