singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
