i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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