OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
