were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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