i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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