I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
