as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
