Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
