walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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