Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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