singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
