I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
