I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
