You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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