Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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