Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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