he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
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