you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
