I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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