omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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