I hate your face
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
