He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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