Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
