I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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