I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
