Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
