i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Panties = found
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
