Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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