Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
