i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
