i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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