I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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