I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
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Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
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I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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