chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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