I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
