Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
