you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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