he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
