i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
