um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
