Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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