By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
