Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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