No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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