ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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