he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
