apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
