so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I got inside last night via doggy door
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
