So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
