We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
