you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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