I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize