Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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