lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
