Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
