The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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