does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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