well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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