Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
