they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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