He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
