Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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