oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
