Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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