Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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