I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
