He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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